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Thursday, July 15, 2010
ugh. i know what it means stupid so don't ugh me and tell me its okays.
gosh, why are people so demanding.
i don't know her too
this girl, the girl in my head, i can't recognize her anymore
you make my thoughts run around.
Monday, July 12, 2010
when someone says thanks for something that yu didnt do does it mean that theyre just being polite and making you feel better when in fact your really patheticThough some may say when you say sorry for something you didn't do you're just putting yourself down i think when you say sorry for soemthing you didn't do, youre just trying to make another understand that you feel bad as well, its like im sorry, i understand and i know but i just cant use words to describe it
but thankyou is like. thankyou thats enough you should stop right there
So here you are sayung thankyou for me always being there, when in reality i'm the one always running to you. And i'm here asaying sorry, sorrythat i feel so much for you, so overwhelmed by you, casting a shadow over you making such a fuss and then bothering everyone, searching for answers. I'm sorry i can''t find the right answers and that everymove i make is wrong and follish. But at the same time, i thankyou for your existance, or am i?
Right now, sorry. It just hurts enough to say sorry
wo ai ni
haspy birthday;thankyou for being born?
LOL sounds weird but yes, thankyou.
because as much i have to admit it hurts,
you mean so much more than that pain. That pain can't comparen to all the other feelings i shared with you.
no matter what, i want yu to be happy, i wish you never have that painful smile in your eyes, or say the lost words.
i wish you would find someone who could solve those things for you, someone who you didn't hide things from, someone who's better, someone who deserves you.
at the same time, im sorry. sorry for acting so foolish, sorry i can't pretend nothing happened.
i know i'm a coward, but i have to start pretending now, pretend its all not there. maybe then the feelings will just become numb and eventually nothing at all.
Happy birthday. truly hope you happy.
this will be one of the last.
x
talking to myself. (8)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Lately, i have to admit, i act like such a child, a very superficial one. I don't know whats wrong with me, i suddenly snapped and changed. I don't know who i am anymore. What are these importances? Money? Fashion? Mobiles? Reputation? Popularity?
Who is it that yearns such foolish things? because i am sure if its me...
This selfish obnoxious child who cries at slightest things, causing tantrums and demanding things her way.. she's so unfamiliar to me...
I'm so scared.. i don't want to change.
But the thing is in reality, money is what makes the world goes round. My fashion illustrates who i am. My reputation sculptures others thoughts upon me.
Honestly, i'm so tired of having to be the mature one, whos constantly thinking of what is right, how to satisfy the mother, how to protect the sister. For once, i'm thinking about myself, what i want, what i need. But somehow, it doesnt feel right, nothing feels right. Nothing ever does...
I wish i could wake up tomorrow and tell myself to forget the past shape myself again from today...
Work.. is shit. Tomorrow, i will work and i will paste a smile unto my face even though my eyes are threatening to pour.
Today i said to my sister, its raining again. It truely is, its so bad, i can't see the way anymore, and I feel so lost.