itsHER
the girl next door


nguggy.
16; sydney. a relatively good girl. feeling like she has a lot to say yet doesn't know how. So maybe these stories and scribbles of thoughts might turn out pointless to you. Maybe You'll dig some meaning out of them. Or maybe, you'll maybe one day even think and feel like she does. Maybe one day, you'll finally truly understand. Maybe you could even tell them for her. Just maybe. xx_.

lalapewpewBOP!
herLOVESā™„
the bummies

melanie.
julie.
lamah.
angiee.

herJOURNEY
past & present

June 2009
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affiliates
you're on your way

facebook.
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inspirations.
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his.
hers.
this.
that.
Dear you,

because sometimes i don't know how to get you anymore;
because it was always you. && somehow i hope it always will be.
PPJjunior

never stops hurting, love
Sunday, February 7, 2010
A need and a want is often like love and lust.

Can you really tell the difference between the two? All are like an undeniable desire.
An unbeatable battle.
It'll never end, never be distinguished.

The battle tears us apart, but think about it. Would we be really satisfied with either?
Its like the heart and the mind.
Which one would you choose?

They say that if you let your heart lead the way, you will be sacrificed by others in your own foolishness and naivety.
But would you be able to live with your own conscience knowing that other lives are at stake?

So many things to say. So little words.
Why do these things hurt so much when they're suppose to make us happy and help us to make the right decisions. Why is it that things still continue to go wrong either way?

How do we live now? Where do we go?
What can i do?

Don't want to keep it inside, yet can't find a way to let it go.

I have so many people for me, yet i feel so alone...
So small and invincible in this world...

After a month... I still can't help to think of what would've happened if i didn't. I should've. But could've i?

The other day i was talking to a friend, and I don't know, i guess i just felt empty, incomplete. Something missing... Is it what i think it is? I don't know...
i wonder if things could and would be different
its like
my tummy feels bare
im longing for something
that i know i wont get
that doesn't exist
Just sitting here, unconsiounsly thinking. Doning other things. Homework. Msn. Music.
Yet unconsciously, the tears fell down. One after another. Trying to block the thoughts out. Trying to tell myself
its not my fault.
But its not working. And I'm still crying.
pressing shift9, shift;
Hoping that i can fool myself.
I want to stop writing this. To make myself show that I'm okay. But i feel like if i don't I'll even explode.
Kabooom. I'll be gone. All these emotions will be gone. Everything, even time. will stop.

I just want things to be okay. I want to turn back time to when I'm not like now...
Is it so wrong to try and give my mum and sister something more?
Will it hurt them more than before?
Maybe it would've been better to just let everything go...
Honestly i tried, to put aside my own past to let the future be rebuilt for my sister and mum. But why the fuck did they screw it up time after time?
All I'm left is another broken relationship, an untended family and a past of nightmares.

And it hurts. God it hurts
Hore and more each time.
A cut causing the gash to appear deeper than before.
But don't you fret. Don't you worry...
This gash is hidden by a bandage so you won't be able to see it.
But i said don't you worry.
Someday, the gash will heal.
Or It'll just hurt itself until it hurts no more.
Either way.
It'll end
I'll make sure it will...


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