itsHER
the girl next door


nguggy.
16; sydney. a relatively good girl. feeling like she has a lot to say yet doesn't know how. So maybe these stories and scribbles of thoughts might turn out pointless to you. Maybe You'll dig some meaning out of them. Or maybe, you'll maybe one day even think and feel like she does. Maybe one day, you'll finally truly understand. Maybe you could even tell them for her. Just maybe. xx_.

lalapewpewBOP!
herLOVESā™„
the bummies

melanie.
julie.
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angiee.

herJOURNEY
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Dear you,

because sometimes i don't know how to get you anymore;
because it was always you. && somehow i hope it always will be.
PPJjunior

Saturday, December 26, 2009
So, its over. Another christmas has gone by.
TO explain how i feel?
Well, its like when you laugh so hard and then, suddenly its over- and you realise thatits gone then theres an empty pit at the bottom of your tummy?
kay, that didn't really make sense.
Well its over now and for a while, it was good you know? I mean i like spending my time up at aunty anna's.
Everythings so laid back, && it feels comfortable, scary enough, sometimes more comfortable than at home.. Well, now that we're back home, everyday routines seem to fall back into place, I'm left to manage my mums temper and well expectations and all..
Well, i will live up to them, after all that we have been through this year, i just want to me her happy- the little things that i know i am capable of. But i'm scared.. mum isn't someone that i know anymore. She has the shortest temper ever now, and she just expects everything to go her way, she wants me to go to bed by 10 for goodness sake. I'm 15 and its holidays though... I'm scared.. shes getting old. she doesn't even try to look pretty anymore..
But then people are right about remembering people when they look the prettiest. I can't expect mum to always look so young and etc..

So hunny, whats wrong? I'm sorrry i can't be there for you always.. Don't smile when you don't mean it.. I hate it when you do and shits and yerh.. i don't mind if you get aggro at me.. sure we'll have out little fights but then i'd understand and we could laugh about it down the tracks ? If you ever feel like a cry, come to me? I'll lend you my shoulder, i'll listen to your words and i'll hold your hand till we get through that rough patch.. Just don't do it alone.. Even if you go to someone else, anyne else. just don't do it alone.

well this morning, i've ben having lots of thoughts.. i just don't know where to start anymore..
soo much, too much is going on.
tell me, do i want it?
do i need it?
maybe elena was right: am i really that desperate? do you think. at first i was trying to push it away. but now i'm thinking to myself what it is in me that drew that attention to myself in the first place? Maybe i should be selfish this once and just grab hold of this something new and push away the old.
but i know for sure, that this one is really really bad.. if i fall, i will get hurt.
but right now, i'm sik about alot of things. and i guess i just wanna ,rebel.

so how was your christmas?


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