itsHER
the girl next door


nguggy.
16; sydney. a relatively good girl. feeling like she has a lot to say yet doesn't know how. So maybe these stories and scribbles of thoughts might turn out pointless to you. Maybe You'll dig some meaning out of them. Or maybe, you'll maybe one day even think and feel like she does. Maybe one day, you'll finally truly understand. Maybe you could even tell them for her. Just maybe. xx_.

lalapewpewBOP!
herLOVESā™„
the bummies

melanie.
julie.
lamah.
angiee.

herJOURNEY
past & present

June 2009
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September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
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affiliates
you're on your way

facebook.
tumblr.
formspring.

inspirations.
big world outside.

his.
hers.
this.
that.
Dear you,

because sometimes i don't know how to get you anymore;
because it was always you. && somehow i hope it always will be.
PPJjunior

nothings&everything
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
so, we shared our ups and downs today, but the laughs were many. sure i may not be your best friend (don't feel bad) but you're one of minee ! after all you're my barney ;)
memorable jokes today: terrorist fireworks.
Well, thats abt it, although we did laugh heaps .. abt other random stuffs. glad you liked my cooking ! pahaha.
I'm proud of yu for standing up to your friends. don't feel bad yerh? & sorry if you're bitsy pissed that i told yu, but i wouldn't have been able to face your friends again.. was i being selfish?
even though yu were here most of the arvo, i actually thought alot today.. about random things...
hhmm... julie & i were on the phone, and i realised that people never refer to me by my name.. even teachers ):
i proceeded to think that my name is the onlyy thing that my dad actually ever purely gave me.. i mean how can someone do that? sure he had his separate life, but then he chose to completely remove me from it..

a new year, a new start, a new life, a new beginning? its not that easy.
honestly, i know everything probably everything happens for a reason, and that i've accepted everything in the past and shit, but i just wish sometimes things were different.

everyone seems to have a new years list so here's mine?
*i like to be happy, smile genuinely.
*i want to make my mum&sister&friends happy.

thinking of that makes me fulfilled somehow. sure i'd like new clothes and shiz but that i can work on later right? some things can be replaced others can't.
well, before i go, i guesses i'll just make note of two thoughts today.

I'd like to go with the flow, but when i do.. its like overwhelming. You know when you're letting the current carry you, but suddenly a big wave just crashes down on top of you and you feel so suffocated and in that split second, its like you don't know what to do. you just hold your breath waiting, wishing for the worse to be over and done with. For me, life is somewhat like that. Sure sometimes it can feel so good and carefree, but then i just feel so suffocated and tired. In the middle of that i just want to let go and give up, but i can't. I'm straining myself more than if i had chosen to resist the flow in the first place.
So what should i do? let it be or try and make things better in the first place.. i don't know..

You would think that it'd be harder to pretend everything was&is okay.
But life can prove you otherwise.
You can't really walk round crying everywhere,
nor can you go crying to everyone.

so right now, i just wanna say i'm happy. yes. i am happy.
one of these days, who knows i might believe myself.
better enough it'll become reality (:


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