itsHER
the girl next door


nguggy.
16; sydney. a relatively good girl. feeling like she has a lot to say yet doesn't know how. So maybe these stories and scribbles of thoughts might turn out pointless to you. Maybe You'll dig some meaning out of them. Or maybe, you'll maybe one day even think and feel like she does. Maybe one day, you'll finally truly understand. Maybe you could even tell them for her. Just maybe. xx_.

lalapewpewBOP!
herLOVESā™„
the bummies

melanie.
julie.
lamah.
angiee.

herJOURNEY
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his.
hers.
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Dear you,

because sometimes i don't know how to get you anymore;
because it was always you. && somehow i hope it always will be.
PPJjunior

the love is gone (8)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
"What are we suppose to do after all that we've been through, now that the love is gone... "


Honestly, you knowing me the best..
when you do read this, i beg of you. Please tell me what happened to me?

i feel so, disappointed(?) in myself. i'm not the girl who anyone wants to be, but more importantly i'm not the girl i want to be.
and i just don't know anything anymore.

I'm fine, honestly, but somehow i still feel something missing, somethings dragging me down. i can't pinpoint it though. i just want to be the girl i ussed to be, no matter how shit i felt i could still compose myself to smile and auctully let go and be happy, but now i find that so hard.

triggering, my thoughts was a card from the girl. I'm sure yu know, yerh the guy's daughter. She gave me a Christmas card... it read along the lines of something like:

"TO geri
Have a great day on christmas and hoping you do haave a great day!
Be happy on christmas. happie smilez"

you might be thinking its childish or ghey, but like it made me wonder if she really knows how shit i feel.
I suddenly feel like the biggest bitch ever. theres no denying it...
sure i never did anything to the girl, maybe thats the thing though, i never did anything.
but she's been great to narellie, almost more like a sister than i have, i'm grateful at least narellie has something i could never give her...

thats just todays though I guess.
hhm, yesterday i went for my job trial.
It was okay i guess, i doubt i'll get it...
and idk how i'm gonna get there, its so far.
but i guess the job will do since we're short on financial terms..
its such a struggle now, i knew it was bad, just didn't know it was that bad..
but back to the trial, i guess if i did get it i could get use to it..
anyhow, that afternoon elena called me with issues in her group.
Rachel, yes rachel again. Its dejavu i swear.
Now i'm doubting that elena bitched bout me, but that would mean contradicting julie... and idk.
I wonder where you are now, but no matter. i hope everythings going okay for you though, and i'm sorry if whatever happens i can't be there, just please don't hesitate to come to me yer?

tomorrows work exp, hopefully it'll be a good week, a week away from the usual.

x


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