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Thursday, October 1, 2009
not everything is what you see"When you dream; dream deep. When you seek joy, make it last.
And when you find hope, hold onto it with all your heart."
So did you know that about a week before my 16th i stupidly went for a haircut. i just needed to feel different. i wanted change from what was put upon me for the past few months. i got change and regret. i LOVED my hair
there's a few things i wanted to talk about today, just because i'm in the mood and i don't know where to run to i guess? despite what i write i must say that my days are too filled with smiles. and today we definitely shared a bunch of them. but of course like very much all it doesn't mean that we're 100%happy and satisfied. we'd just let ourselves drift and escape for a little bit.
i've been having abitsy of problems? ahahah. bad wording but you get my point? its just that theres alot of problems with getting across to people lately. honestly, if everyone was open with their feelings then it wouldnt be one big explosive now would it? or it wouldnt create such tension that its become two limp figures side by side.
firstly; my mother. iloveher. but i think that in today's society parents lack empathy for their children. they don't fully try to find the true reason behind anything let alone everything... ilovemymother. i know that she's been through a lot. i appreciate her for everything that she's done for me since birth. i know that it became harder as she had to raise me as a single mother. but honestly sometimes i wished that she just did a little bit more... which leads me to the point that sometimes i think it would have been much better if my father won custody of me... so much better. i was a restraint to my mother. but if that restraint had been put on my father then i might have been able to change him if not in big than little ways... but back to mother; i don't understand why she keeps thinking that i don't care? is my attitude that bad? honestly, if she had listen to me those years ago, that would have never happened to me. and i wouldnt have to become the way i am now. so now everytime the adults are trying to reason with me and talking about the pains i have caused for my mother, deep down inside i am tearing apart, tears come to my eyes. however i hold it back and i let it glide, i just want to throw out there that i'm doing the best i can to be the best daughter i am. i always have and i always will... mother has sacrificed, but don't they think i have too? but no one would nor will know. its not my time to let it out just yet...
elena; what an i say? this past year we have been through so much together. the ups. the downs. the pains. the happinesses. yet sometimes i just don't understand why.. so i admit last time i was wrong. never i said it wasn't. it pains me that you are put through some of the crap that yu had to go through. the reason for my lack of reaction? its simply the fact that i go through it nearly everyday... and about our "common" situation.. think about it thoroughly . i don't think yu quite understand what happened to me. to what extent and how long it went on for. we were talking repeatitive months...
and by now i thought yu'd know me better,, but maybe its good that this has happened. i can't always fend and be there for yu...
011009. today is the first october 2009. its also my dads birthday; don't ask me how old he is. i've forgotten. don't ask me how or where he is. i don't know. all i know is its his birthday and i sincerely wish him al the best.. when i was told of my grandpas death i was.. sad? emotional? there are no words to describe it. but one feeling i know was fear. i feared. my dad. we all meet that fate one day, and idk.. i just want one last goodbye you know...? or back then, maybe it would have been nice to been able to say one last goodbye. itsead they were all warnings. warnings that my naivity and hope chose to ignore.. kekes. but look where i am now... but back to whatever theres a funny story. so my fb stat was wishing my dad a happy birthday. during homeroom hayley and rheanna decided to question me and ROFL. rheana did not know when to stop . and hayley was just like: okay rheanna just stop. stop okays :L nahh; honestly im cool with it after all these years its just sometimes... (:
so today was year 12 grad. i've never been close with year 12 so year pardon if i seem abit cold about its -.- after the grad mass rheanna and i dicided to do abit of a walk (her phone got confiscated; we were trying to look for it at the principles office) so when we got infront of the door we just stood there cause the phone wasnt there. we then started talking about shitshit and suddenly the alarm ontop of our heads went off. yes; the fire alarm. " we too HOT" ;D hahahaha. nah but we didnt do anything. so we just kept walking wondering if WE were the ones who caused it. so we leave walk to our lockers and we come out and theres just teachers walking around with walkietalkies (LOL) telling us to evacuate. and noone else was around the area ahah. so by the time we got to the oval everyone was pertty much there in lines. but yes about 10 minutes later announcement revealed it was a false alarm (tada) AND it was caused by deodorant(?) so couldnt be us now could it?? :D
now going back to yesterday; i had english. my english teacher of two years decied to volunteer a bunch of people to perform for a short scene of macbeth including a girl named Genevieve. (is that how you spell it?) our class did not have a gen.. so we were all like WTF ms? gen ended up being me ><; i don't know how she got that from geraldine. worse of all the english coordinator who is my homeroom teacher of two years also believed that my name was gen when i told her. how that works i dont know. but funnyfunny. weeelllll we who were there found it funny. so that sums up my tow days or so of events and thoughts. sorry it was bland&boring. x