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Black&White.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sometimes you forget how low some people could be. You forget how there is white; but also BLACK. not everyone cane be the good friend they seem to be no matter how much they appear so. When people bitched and said shit about you, i always said that it wasn't your fault that you are like that, every each one of our circumstances are different, and they cause act to act the way we do. Perhaps out of insecurity, or out of pride? I don't know, and i wouldn't unless i was you. Ask your best friend; and remember this. If you and your friends enjoy saying and listening to shit about other people, then remember that they too can turn and say shit about you. Just a friendly reminder whilst I'm on that note.
I remember that month, i remember that week; i remember that day. How stupid and foolish of me. i should have listened to my friend. But i didn't think anything of it at the time. after all; you were sitting on the other side of the bus, and "supposedly" listening to your ipod. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I never thought you'd eavesdrop in the first place, let alone go around to people asking and saying shit. let me tell you this; it DID hurt to know, although i knew that the things you said were partially true but have you ever thought how people would start treating me and how fucked up i would feel? How low i would feel? How ashamed i would feel? Well I'm letting you know now. i despise what yu did. no; i don't despise yu, but simply your actions. I feel so screwed like i can't face the world. I feel lower than i did i did at that time. i feel like i could dig a hole and bury my head there.
Its been over a month now, possibly two, but i found out today. I was shocked at first, and i thought i accepted it. But after a days reflection; I'm simply aggravated, because i know everything that happened behind my back, and why people started to treat me differently.
I'm telling yu, as well as everyone else (yes; i know who you all are and i think there are actually more), i don't want your fucken pity. I don't need you to treat me "nicer" or more "special" because of what things have happened to me.
Don't try to understand me, don't say you do, because you don't. Don't say you're close to me, and try to get more information out of others, because you're not close to me; and most likely you'll never be.
Right now, there's no point of me confronting you, because nothing can be done the damage has been done. I'm posting it here because i don;t want to mention any names to anybody, and i hope that if you do read this, you know who you are and change for the better. i don't care if you hate me. but maybe less people will hate you.
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Many do not know about what has happened to me besides my closest friends and the people involved above. I know that many think that i have "boy issues" and honestly, at times it sounds like it too. My problems are home issues. the issues always have been and no matter how well people know me, they will never fully know me, nor will they really know what happened. Please don't think badly of me, i really didn't do anything that shit, or to that extent...
Like i said in my first post.
"Don't think, Don't judge, Just listen"