itsHER
the girl next door


nguggy.
16; sydney. a relatively good girl. feeling like she has a lot to say yet doesn't know how. So maybe these stories and scribbles of thoughts might turn out pointless to you. Maybe You'll dig some meaning out of them. Or maybe, you'll maybe one day even think and feel like she does. Maybe one day, you'll finally truly understand. Maybe you could even tell them for her. Just maybe. xx_.

lalapewpewBOP!
herLOVES♥
the bummies

melanie.
julie.
lamah.
angiee.

herJOURNEY
past & present

June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
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January 2011
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affiliates
you're on your way

facebook.
tumblr.
formspring.

inspirations.
big world outside.

his.
hers.
this.
that.
Dear you,

because sometimes i don't know how to get you anymore;
because it was always you. && somehow i hope it always will be.
PPJjunior

you can change your face; but you can't hide your emotions.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Went to Nan Tien Temple at Wollongong today for geo. excursion, it was a good day ? idk; much to reflect about to say anything else i guess. The guide told us this: "You can change your face, but you can't hide it" I've slightly modified it to my understanding. You can change your face, but you can't hide your emotions...

I realised something today; all people are different. Okay; so maybe i knew that already but come on.. cut me some slack. Believe it or not, its the most simplistic things that make me smile. The rainbow, the sun after a cloudy day. But when i look across from me, there is not the smile i expect to see on everyones faces for the prettyful day. I realise, that i, along with other people have been facing some barriers, challenges, or harsh times whatever you choose to call it. But honestly, sometimes shouldnt we at least try to let it go and enjoy what is right there and right then? On the hour or so bus ride from Wollongong, i was able to do so. the sun, the scenery. I would take some photographs but you know.. some people *cough*lamah*cough* would just make me look bad..LOL. Anyways, it upsets me that i can't do anything about their problems and worries. i try to help, but what am i suppose to do when i repeatively get the answer "im okay; im just tired". I've been there done that, so i let them be. I couldnt make elena; melanie or mary smile from deep within. So i tried something else, i tried to seek comfort in someone else. Anthony, you said you'd smile, and ill just take your word for it. did you though? i dont know, but since i made someone smile i tried to be a little more assured. as a friend, i hope of nothing more but for all my friends to always smile...

I learnt a lesson today. Never ending compassion; or in other words- unconditional love. to love everyone and everyhting around you. its a hard concept to grasp, but none the less i will stil try to do so. if i cant strive to do the big things then the little will have to do so.

smile always;
xx_.
nguggy


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Controlling emotions..
Monday, June 29, 2009
Or should i say emoticons ?
if on msn, if i knew you were unhappy, and asked you to be happy, you'd simply press "shift-6-6" giving me these lil chinky happy eyes ^^
if i asked you to smile, you'd press "shift-;-0" to give me :)
if i'd had any suspicions, you'd give me this face " xD " and tell me that everything was okay.

If only in real life it were that easy to control our emotions. If only in real life, it were that easy to plaster a smile on our faces. If only in real life we were always happy. Or in other words if only life was perfect.

But then if life was perfect would we have met ? If life was perfect would we have poured out our pains and realise our similarities and differences? If life were perfect would we have comforted eachother and became as close as we are today? If life were perfect..

i guess in one way or another, i thank god that life isnt perfect, because we are who we are today, where we are today, with whom we have today, with whom i have.

But because life is not perfect and continues to not be, know that im there with you, every step of the way. so if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, hands to hold, hankerchiefs to borrow, ears to listen WHATEVER it may be, do not hesitate my bummchummys. ily and you know it.. LOL. feel special; because you are (:

xx_.
nguggy


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a smile id like to share (:
Sunday, June 28, 2009
im really thankful for my friends; i swear i am. without them, i dont know where id be, what id be doing. so THANK YOU GUYS !
Despite my other posts; my week wasn't that bad i think ? i t got better, Friday, didn't go to school. was so sick lost my voice D:
saturday.. unbelievable but im taking classes studying Vietnamese for my SC. yes lame; but none the less i started. I actually experienced the word "outsider". lets hope that things get better. i got a chat version of a bomber jacket after ? and went out; hmm . i did however get over 12 hours of sleep ! xD YERP ! from 5pm sat till 8am sun ! it was good. i guess today wasn't that good when i think about it ... i took pocky for a walk ! shes so adorable! andand we met some other puppys and doggs of our neighbours (i live in an apartment complex). it was good to see pocky so happy; really have to take her out more often . except one thing... the other puppy was trying to rape my friggin pocky princess jr ... anwyays; im happy atm i guess.
but..im worried. how can i tell all my troubled friends out ther to smile when sometimes i am having trouble myself?
however; since right now iam smiling, i hope to share my smiles with you. may every step you take in life bring you more happiness. ♥
-edit- just read over my post; nothing to over the top for me to be happy about; but i have my reasons i guess. friends. truly more than just a word.

xx_.
nguggy


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one's happiness; anothers pain.
because when i see them smile; it makes me want to cry. so i grind my teeth and tell myself to let it go, let them be. but its not as easy as it looks or sound. ukelay, you were right. maybe it isnt worth it after all. but where or who do i go to now ?


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life lessons...
Friday, June 26, 2009
never learnt?
you're suppose to learn them, and from them become wiser and blahblahblah. One lesson, no matter how many people have constantly told me, and no matter how many times i have been hurt from it, i don't think ill ever, ever learn from it. that is, to never get too over-excited about anything, too never fall head over heels over anyone. my argument is, temporarily, is there anything else for me to smile about? anything for me to look forward to ? 'cause the future is unknown. Yes, i did it again... and i realise that i did it, but i don't think that id ever learn from it. now I'm contemplating, whether or not i should trust in you ? other life lessons? well to know when to close your mouth, to do your homework on the night issued, to .. idk, basically the list is endless, but doubt many of us even learn from it. we'd fall over and over, and pick ourselves up again. but would there ever be the day when we're too tired and overwhelmed?
---
on other terms, i got my voice back this afternoon! it cracked.. then WHAM ! :D im thinking about this time when i was young.. sometimes our feelings and words are really transparent arent they? this once, i sat in the car, rather sad, though i cant remember why... back to my story, there was this friend, ron; and he stood on the other side, pulling faces and trying to cheer me up.. transparency of the window? a window into my feelings ? the childish acts, so simplitic yet so meaningful. i was cheered up. and at times, those acts reoccur, but there is a limit, is it not true that we now evaluate our every move and actions? because we now think off consequences. playing hide and seek; huffing and panting from that run; taking my had to a safe sanctuary where we would hide for the next 10 minutes or so. i remember that date.210504. it was my sister's 1stbirthday...Ron; how is he now? i dont know. funny, but now I'm reminising about all the times together, wonder if he remembers ? oh well, its the past and things change. nothing is permenant but change. when we look into the past do we smile, or cry ? i choose to smile, for the past has gone, the good and the bad, no use crying over them i guess, all we can do now is look forward and strive on. we let go of those hands and hold new ones. they constantly change, and so do we as individuals. every minute we are changing, every thoguht determines our future.
---
talking to you.. hmm. things have changed you have to admit. time continues, but the time on a clock repeats itself.. will we return to what we once were ?
---
i realise my thoughts do not make sense. AHAHA. too much spare time on me i guess s: right now im just waiting; for what ? i really don't know. but im waiting. going out tomorrow kinda i guess, and im thankful for that. really dont want to stay home for much longer. one day is really enough. hrmm. i think i dreamt something yesterday... i cant be sure, but i did have a good sleep. mymy, the demazin pills make me HIGH. literally, they do. im tired now, guess im have an early night? (but ive been saying that for the last month and the earliest ive been to bed is 12, giving me a 5-6 hr slp max) its taken me over n hour to write this blog, i often find myself blank, drifting off, right now, i ask myself.. what do i do now?

when a balloon is overblown, its bursts. how much of it can i keep insde myself?

xx_.
nguggy


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pointless scribbles
Thursday, June 25, 2009
child to mother.
my dedication to you ♥

Bum de dum goes the sound of my world, yet i cannot see it.
i long to see the angels smile,
to touch its silk smooth skin.
in my dark sanctuary, i search for my senses;
but all i can feel is the tickle of my tummy.
Bum de dum goes hte sound fo my world, as i kick, graps and tug to be free.
My world starts to spin then i feel a sticky warmth clasps me.
it chokes me, as i struggle to return to my once dark sanctuary.
And now irealise, i no longer want to be free.
Bum de dum goes the sound of my world,
even as the briht light approaches.
the sour lauighters, but the bitter seet yell...
oh could it be ?
The cold embraces me, the warmth vanishes.
I curl up, to feel my own bum de dum.
Yet i feel hallow, incomplete, as my bum de dum is now gone.
Bum de dum, once, the sound of my world.
As my world now twists and turns,
i cry, i yell, i scream.
Oh wont someone, anyone, listen to me ?
My voice fade, my heart aches.
Warmth once again engulfs me.
Unwillingly i open my eyes, and for the first time, i see.
The angels sweet smile, its radient golden skin,
My sunshine, my angel, my world, my mother.
As my skin grazes across her soft silk breast,
my heart stops, for i have found ...
my bum de dum..
the bum de dum, the sound of my world ...
--
enjoy?
i dont have to write about today, im sick.. so i guess i need to rest soon?

xx_.
nguggy.


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happay; happay; happaaayyyy ^^
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
i guess what one person says to you really does make a difference (?) im happy today, a content feeling that i havent had in a while. i replay the conversation(s) in my head. such simplicity yet so meaningful. did alot of stupid random things today/// some idont remember. LOL. alot of smiles (: and this arvo preparing geo presentation, powerpoint for a group of five lasting for 15 minutes and containing 47 slides. woosh. im rather tired now, but still happy. i swear i think im mentally retarted ? people ! see what your complaining has done ?! :P i actually can't wait for what tomorrow holds. but mel, i wanna take you with me. and .. i just lost my trail of thought. have no fear, less for you to read i guess . sweet dreams all ~!
xx_.
nguggy


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how to smile ?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
1. raise your eyebrows
2. squint your eyes
3. raise the corners of your mouth upwards
-this should give you a very constipated look which never fails to deceive others. its as easy as one;two&three.

tuesdaytwentythirdjunetwothousandandnine. a day worth remembering...not! oh well. its nearly gone, so ill soon forget it ? or shove it in some corner and go to review it every now and then, replay the many ways to perfect it. almost nothing special happened today; i had a chuppa chup ? strawberry flavour (: i enjoyed it. i swear im so stupid. im wearing a boyfriend sleep shirt and im cold.. well obviously i would be ? hrmmm, my mood is better today ? im rather exhuasted but i feel abit lighter. i need to tlk to you . no not you ? but you ? if you're reading this, i think you'll know who you are (: i think my answer would be yes. so, whats your response ? on other terms, imma eat icecream tonight. can you believe someone ate my icecream?! i mean; like i had a spoon in there for a reason. is that person like boinkers?! i hope they catch what i have whatever i have. hmphh. okay; maybe not... buhbuh its icecream ...

i got a book today; its called magic of the moment
~its time to let go of the past and embrace all that awaits you.
so basically, what i do is ask a question, flip to a random page and read the quote/poem watevs. i know; its childish of me, but we all have to have faith in something right ? i guess this is a temporary substitution ? tbh, the answers dont even make sense.. oh wells LOL. im so sleepy, but i have to do geo. someone motivate me x) i wonder if i had hw today, think maths. buht dont have it till friday ? so i guess it can wait. i guess thats all for now. people dont hate me if my posts are so.. whats the word.. drastic? after all, i asked you not to judge did i not ? (:

xx_.
nguggy



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dedications to julie #1
Monday, June 22, 2009
the good things in my life atm.
thats my dedication to you, since you asked for it...dearest julie; thankyou.. ily <3>

. i made a new friend yesterday ? i guess from the beginning the situation was different and unsual. but i guess we can work through it.. cant we ?
. i totally aced my history exam ^^ 49/50 woot! woot! not looking forward to reactions of some ppl though ..

thats about it for now; i guess its better than nothing (:

xx_.
nguggy


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hestitations.
what should i do now ? will i really gain your share of happiness? would you understand ? would you judge me ? but what hurts me is to know that a burden you shall hold, one that i have carried and am willing to continue carrying if it protects your happiness.

xx_.
nguggy


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doushite..
Sunday, June 21, 2009
{030}
why...? ive got so many questions... won't anyone; someone please answer them for me? i beg of you. i truly do.
xx_.
nguggy


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wanna get to know me ?!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
well; i don't really care cause i'm bored (:

me.
name: Geraldine ngoc nguyen .
nicknames: geri; nguggy; gezza; i swear theres so many more but this will do (:
DOB: 250893 *cough*present*cough* xD
POB: livo. hospital syd.
current location: villa "corner"
eye colour: dark brown; at times almost pitch black
hair colour: black ?
height: <160ish.>
weight: >40kg (less than 50*fignerscross*)
piercings: ears
overused phrase: cbf..

favourites:
food: pocky; cookies&cream icecream; oreos&mother; marshmellows; PHO .
restaurant: that ferrari pizza place at brighton. && the gelatissimo place ~
candy: chuppachups !
number: 0 ?
colour: yellow; baby yellow preferably.
animal: mockingbirds ? birds are free, these one can sing a tune too (:
drink: barcardi ! im jking; apple&blackcurrant juice ;)
body part on opposite sex: LOLOLOL. umm umm, the face ?
tv show: mr.men&little.miss (ABC kids..LOL)
movie: lilo&stitch <3>
actor/actress: kim bum ! gahhh *faints* LOL. i still need to watch BOF. 22 more eps to go ==

thisORthat ?
pepsiORcoke: arent they the same..? pepsi ?
mcdonaldsORburgerking: do we have a burger king? or its that hungry jacks? but maccas foh sure (:
chocolateORvanilla: vanilla? well; it depends in what. i prefer chocolate up&go
hotchocolateORcoffee: hotchocolate&marshmellow. but KOPIKO is radical.
dogORcat: puppy. ahahah it'll be an offence to my puppy?
rapORpunk: rap ?
summerORwinter: spring&autumn. kekes.
scaryORfunny movies: funny :D
loveORmoney: how long does love last ?

my..
bedtime: whenever i guess. i would love 12hrs of slep atm !
most missed memory: when i was 2. funny, but i dont remember what happened; so interpret that however you want :L
best physical feature: go look at my photos & judge for yourself
first thought waking up: another five minutes.
bestfriends: Lamee; Julie; Elena; Mary +
weaknesses: emotionally disabled? LOL. i kid: maths.
fears: past&future
longest relationship: *feels lonely* LOL

have i ever..
been beaten up: by who ?
beaten someone up: nupps. does this face look like a bully to you? *shifty eyes*
shoplifted: you mean taxed..? i meant no :D
skinny dipped: LOL. no; srsly no .
kissed opposite sex: cousins dont count okay; especailly when you're3. <_<
been dumped: nups.

in a guy.
fav eye colour: any as long as it has my reflection .
fav hair colour: idm
short or long: is this refering to hair?cause idm.
height: taller then me? LOL
style: be yourself.
looks or personality: personally id say personality, but reality says both.
hot or cute: cute
muscular or really skinny: dont make me feel bad :/
feature: voice? sing to me (:

randoms
what countries do you want to visit: the world & the moon . LOL (pat; you better keep your promise)
been to the mall lately: yerh. vrooom! and $200 gone D:
health freak: no; but i am a hygeine one LOL. mothers influence ==
do i think im attractive: pfft. no; i wish ! s:
get along with 'rents: not currently
believe in yourself: i believe in you ! (:
want to go to uni: no, but most likely will.
smoke/drink: nuppsy.
shower daily: uduhhh.
been in love: nuppsy.
sing: yups; to myself.. LOL
hate anyone: yes. and let me tell you this; learn to let go.

thats all about me i guess (:
xx_.
nguggy







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(mis?)perceptions.
what is the worse thing that can happen? to you, to a girl ? to anyone ? asking this question is like asking two people from opposite corners of the room what time it is when theoretically, the correct time could only be told by the person who stood in front of the clock in the middle of the room. but even then, what about the time on your watch? the time on the clock next door? it'll never be correct, we will never know the true time; and likewise, we will never know what the "worse" thing that can never happen is. because we'll all insist that our time is right, that our own pain is worst.so right now, I'm asking myself how bad my circumstances really are, and why i think the way i do. because i know that there are people out there worse than i am. or 1 in 3 others girls which have been through what i have..but what is the worst thing that can happen to you? rape, murder, theft, poverty, hunger, death, migration. the list is never ending.... is it not ? it just comes down to your perspective...

xx_.
nguggy


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another day. another show.
its time to put on the mask; that everyone expects of me. the polite child, the helpful girl, the happy friend? who am i truly? everything, or should i rather say everyone molds who we are. i guess ive lived up to others expectations making them my own. i guess right here and right now i have my second goal.
goal #2
in quest for own identity.
it wont be easy, but who said life would be. 8:12am. and thinking too much already. my head feels like its floating but being weighed down at the same time. im sick and tired. but i wont let go, no not just yet.
---
i know you're right. you did it for me and i am thankful for it. if you ever read this, i wanna say thankyou a million times. but right now, i think its time for me to stop. to stop placing this burden on you. you were right, i was selfish, and all the things i did were merely an excuse for my behaviour. but i can't help myself sometimes. like you said; you nor anyone else would ever understand. so why should i cause all this trouble. but people are wrong, i can't simple let it go. because the gash has inflicted too much damage. has the gash healed? till today i dont know, but if it has, i am truly scared that the scar its left behind will reopen.
---
i wanted to start the day with a smile today, but its so hard when the first thing you feed me is sour lemons...

xx_.
nguggy


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"i want to chase the rainbow.."
Thursday, June 18, 2009
i do ! .. LOL? i wonder if anyone has ever done that, i mean how awesomess would it be? to me; rainbows are essential. when you come to think of it, how sure are you that wishes come true? because sometimes I'm not, but rainbows will always appear after the rain and overcasts.
& like today, the simpler things in life really got to me, i saw the rainbow 3 times && it made me smile, the sun even came out (: i caught up with one of my best friends, uliejayy, and we laughed about the most random things, & i realised that there are still things worth living for. oh, well i remember this period of time, in year eight, when i was obsessed with circles, and running around in circles. (i know, I'm a weird child) how do i explain ? i simply forget all my worries and felt so carefree. hmm. try it, and when your tummy rumbles with laughter, that's how i feel/felt. if it doesn't then you can just laugh at this anyways. back to my point, if i had one in the beginning; it started as a crappy day with the rain and all, but it got better.
----
dedicated to that someone.
"in love, age is only a number" yes it is, but what about in reality ? should you be that selfish to put the person you love through all the crap love is packaged with? i want to give up, i really do. sometimes, giving up doesn't mean that you're weak, sometimes it just means that you're strong enough to let go. it just depends on what you're giving up on.. right now, i must hold on, but what should i do ? because my grip is slowly slipping.
----
goal 1#
finish reading handle with care by Jodi picoult; astonishingly&sadly, finishing a book is something i haven't been able to do all year.
xx_.
nguggy


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? .
Saturday, June 6, 2009
she laughs, she cries, she smiles.
she runs, she walks, she twirls.
she shall be like every other girl, yet different.
who am i, i do not know.
who i will be, i wait to see.

so don't think, don't judge, just listen~
----------------
i guess there's really nothing else to say because time unravels all.

xx_.
nguggy


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