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Dear you,
because it was always you. && somehow i hope it always will be.
PPJjunior
Friday, December 16, 2011
world, will you tell me why i let him treat me that way? why despite all the tears, i still want to come back?
why despite all the lies, i choose to believe in love?
love, will you tell me why you are so painful?
why despite my faith, you bring me down?
why despite your promises, you leave me lonely?
Thursday, October 20, 2011
foolish to fall for my first love.
this girl i used to know called me.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
sometimes, all the bad things just hit you at once. you know, that feeling where nothing's just right. but i guess, you need the bad times to appreciate the good ones.
i guess, in this puddle of a mess, i'm just trying to cling on to the one thing that gives me hope: you. but somehow i have doubts, i'm giving up so much, much more then i realise. but honestly i just get so caught up with you, and how i should be able to make things right with you, how i should give the most of happiness to you, all of my time should be spent endlessly with you.
i'm scared, i'm blind, i'm losing that bit of me. but i'm doing this just for you.
so what should i do?
i didn't mean to change my life, i didn't mean to put it on hold, i didn't mean to put anyone else behind. i don't know, i'm tired. and everythings deteriorated, my energy, my motivation, my life, my friendships.
i wish things were different, but its funny because looking back i don't know how i would have done things anymore differently. and i really don't know what has made me different to the girl i used to be.
i think i'm happy, i honestly do. but, there's always a but.
Monday, August 8, 2011
we tried so hard to make it right. and to everyone else it was perfect.but sometimes behind the scenes, we accidentally let the little things slip in between, the cracks letting alive our insecurities, what we've always dread of. and they tell us to face it, but how would they know. they would never know. and at dawn they rise, they haunt us, threatening to break us from forever. but we knew better, we ignored them, we pushed past. we've got this far, closer to forever. Yet in the midst of happy smiles laughter and joy, there hid something else. and i question, is forever, ever enough?
**
they said nothing ever went wrong. maybe that was the problem, they didn't live like we did. they just bore with it, put up with it until their time would come. they wouldn't understand what we feel. we were cold, but always warm. your voice was harsh, but comforting. you knew i bickered, but loved every bit of it. so they have no right to judge, they have no right to ask. and i not need tell anyone.
**
i didn't need jewels. i didn't need empty words. i didn't need forever.
i just needed you, right in that moment, right in this moment, in every moment to come.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
i just need you so much, and lately it feels like peanut butter and jelly,
its right like mixing salt and pepper.
six months passed and we're closer then ever,
i'm not even gonna try and use an analogy for that
cause facts are facts.
and even though its right
i can't help but contemplate.
today i will be the outsider,
but i just need you so much,
you don't understand how scared i've been lately,
and even though you're always near me,
part of me feels alone.
I need you so much,
every inch of me depends on you
and we've gone so far together,
yet i feel like we're on different lanes.
i don't really know how to make it sound right,
but we're just two very different people
like pieces of puzzles trying to fit together,
trying hard to make it all right.
we were two from a thousand,
what are the possibility of us being perfect?
we don't even talk anymore,
our time together consists of sleep, movies and mutual silence.
sometimes its a little more, the fun and games.
and you know me so well,
aren't you proud what you've learnt off by heart,
what i chose to show you.
in the end, you don't really know me at all.
and maybe i don't really need you.
just maybe.
idk whats wrong with me, lately it feels like i've been more moody, and my smiles and giggles don't seem tolast as long. i'm so tired but my head refuses to rest. idk, i've just been thinking about alot of things lately. and sometimes they scare me so much, my thoughts. i don't know where i'm going with them and i'm scared i'll just be filled with regret. and it jurts so much somtimes, its so overwhleming i feel like ive ben engulfed, dornwed.
your reassurance means so much to me, but lately i just haven't been feeling it.
désolé
Monday, July 4, 2011
I'm sorry, sorry for me. I'm sorry for overthinking things, i'm sorry for worrying, i'm sorry for my lack of trust, i'm sorry for making things harder. I'm sorry for where things have come, it could have been so much better, in so many ways.But do you know, i'm just so scared. I can't comprehend my incapability to let things go so wrong, lately it feels like everythings a mess. And its not your fault, you never tried to let me down, you always tried to make things better, and its stupid of me to feel this way. I just don't know what to expect.
And i'm so afraid that i'm drving you away, a little more each day. Yet i do these little stupid things that hurts so much, you mean so much to me, but i jsut feel so overwhelmed right now...